All In The Lord's Time

Well folks, I am no longer writing on this blog as an intern! I am all finished!!! The last day of my internship was last Thursday. 

I managed to finish all of my projects in time, bring closure to my groups, and end on a high note as I received a great final evaluation! It was hard to say goodbye to all of the staff and patients that I saw on a daily basis. I think that was the hardest part for me. My co-workers had become like a family to me and I will miss them dearly.

I have felt so much growth in my development as a music therapist. Towards the end of my internship, I was really trying to hone in on more therapeutic skills and stretching myself musically. My supervisors challenged me to develop more skills as well. I am grateful for their trust in me and guidance that they showed. I was extremely blessed to have so many great people to help guide me along the way.

Since my internship has ended, it has been quite the roller coaster ride of things to do! I spent last weekend in Bend and Sisters (central Oregon) with my friend Rebekah as we went to an arts festival and a quilt show! I got a chance to see my good friend from Utah, Missy, as she was selling her artwork at the arts festival. The unfortunate thing about the whole weekend is that I got the stomach flue while we were camping... not fun. But we managed to make it to both events and had a good time.

I was able to take a few days off in June to visit my family! I was able to see everyone in my family, mostly because they were ALL living at home when I came to visit haha. Yup, all 7 of us under one roof for a few days was kind of crazy. We enjoyed a lot of time together and I arrived in time for a family reunion on my mom's side. For the first time in almost 7 years we had family photos taken. It was the perfect opportunity to do it while we were all together for a few days. These precious moments that I have with my family are so treasured to me. Now that we are getting older and living in different places, we don't get to be together as often as we used to. I am grateful for my family and the amazing blessing they are in my life.

Earlier this week I got my visa application finished to go to India! My sister Sandi and her husband Dan moved there about one week ago for his job. They will be there until Thanksgiving time. With what remaining money I have left, I am going to go visit them for a few weeks! I have been yearning for an opportunity to travel abroad again and this is a great way to me to visit family and see a new part of the world as well! As soon as my visa application is approved, I will purchase a plane ticket! I am hoping to leave around the end of August. 

Next big news... I have been hired for a temporary job working at the Portland Oregon Temple! The temple will be closing for three weeks as a crew (that's me!) works on the outside of the building to paint and sandblast. The job starts on July 28th and will go for three weeks. This opportunity was an amazing answer to a prayer. I had been praying for what to do for work while I was waiting to go to India so that I can continue to pay for my expenses and an upcoming trip. I received information about this job while I volunteered in the cafeteria of the temple a few weekends ago. I made a phone call and had the job later that week! 

It is the most perfect timing for what I need right now. I wasn't looking for something permanent and it fit the time frame I was looking for as well. Heavenly Father is truly aware of me and what I need at this time.

And the list of big news goes on... I am going to take my music therapy board certification exam on Tuesday! That's right, two days from now! I will get certified just in time to apply for openings at Oregon State Hospital, where I completed my internship. Again, the timing of this is truly a blessing. I send in my application to take the exam later than expected but they were able to rush it so that I could get approved to take the exam. The job postings for the hospital are only open for 10 days and I really needed to be certified to send in my application. What are the chances of both of those things happening at the same time?!? Again, another tender mercy and answer to a prayer. Although getting certified and finding a job can be stressful, I have felt an overwhelming peace about everything. Even if I don't get the job at OSH, the fact that I will be certified in time to apply is a true blessing from Heavenly Father.

Amongst all of these things, I have had some fun times exploring Oregon! 

Bike rides, races, river rafting, open water swimming, hiking, and more!!

Springwater Corridor bike ride with Jan Williams

Hike to Pittock Mansion overlooking Portland

Bald Peak Half Marathon with Amber! Finished my 10th half!

My new favorite place to hang out and swim - Clackamas Cove

Silver Springs State Park

Behind the waterfall!!

Bus ride to our rafting adventure down the Deschutes River!

Earlier this week I watched a movie about India called "The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel." In this movie there is a quote that I really feels applies to my life right now as I figure out what my next step is...

"Everything will be alright in the end... If it is not alright, then it is not yet the end."

I have always been prone to worry about my future. Where I will live, where I will work, etc. But I know that everything will be alright in the end. And it is alright now! I trust in God and His plan for me. Whatever may come my way, I know that He loves me and is helping me to be the person that He wants me to become.

The End And The Beginning

Summer is coming!

It has been a while since my last post. My internship is flying by. I am in my last week of the 10-week spring term. I have really been able to build rapport with the patients in my group. Although their illnesses are very severe and their recovery is a slow process, I have seen some of them make notable progress even in just these short 10 weeks. I have also seen patients’ conditions become worse within those same 10 weeks. I think that is the nature of the population that I work with.

I passed my mid-term evaluation with flying colors! My supervisors are challenging me to grow as a therapist and stretch my musical and clinical skills. I don’t want this to come across boasting, but I think it says a lot about the therapist that I am becoming when my supervisors are seeing potential in me that I might not see in myself. I am now able to hone in on more clinical skills and learning how to use music as therapy rather than music in therapy.

These are groups that I will be leading for my last 4 weeks of my internship:

Mondays: 2-hour Connections group for civil patients

Tuesdays: 2-hour Band Group for transitional patients

Wednesdays: 1-hour Hip-Hop for Hope Group; 2-hour MP3 group for geriatric patients

Thursdays: 1-hour 1:1 music therapy session, 1-hour Rockumentary Group; 1-hour Community Music Group

Fridays: NO GROUPS!!

I won’t be leading as many groups during my last 4 weeks. This will help me to have more office hours to complete my final internship projects. My official end date is July 11. I might be done a few days before that if I finish all of my projects earlier. 

I am excited and nervous for the end of my internship. That means that my board exam is drawing near and then I have to make some more set decisions about my future. Job plans are still up in the air. I have to get certified to apply for potential job openings at Oregon State Hospital. If there isn’t an opportunity here, I think I will begin to start up my own private practice. Either way it ends up, I am excited!!

In other news, I will get to home for a weekend to visit my family over Father’s Day! It will be nice to all be together as a family, especially now when we don’t get to do that as often. ALSO… I will most likely be traveling to India after my internship is over! My sister Sandi and her husband Dan will be moving to Bangalore for a 6-month position with Dan’s job. With whatever money I have left, I’m buying myself a plane ticket to see them!! When opportunities to travel come your way, you can’t pass them up! I may come back to Oregon jobless and broke, but the experience will be worth it haha!

My apartment lease is up at the end of this week so I will be moving to Tigard (just one city over from Tualatin). I wanted to stay within my ward boundaries because I really feel a connection to the people in my ward and want to continue to build upon those relationships. I am excited to get to know some new roommates and continue having some great adventures!

After a rough few months, I finally made it to the temple! It was so wonderful to be back there again. I love the Spirit that I feel when I attend the temple. Being there brings comfort, peace, and strength. I think I am even more grateful now for the temple than I was before. I have yearned to go and now I am able to again.

I attended the Landmark Forum the beginning of May. The Landmark Forum may be difficult to describe, and if you look it up you may find some interesting reviews online, but it was an amazing experience!! I learned so much about myself and how my experiences and perception shape the person that I am now and the person that I want to become. It has helped me to improve relationships, find passion for my future instead of fear, and create new possibilities for myself that I didn’t think were possible! I am excited to participate in the Landmark Advanced Course later this year.

My sister Kelli has spent the last few weeks in South Africa on a study abroad trip! We were able to skype as a family and talk with her about her experience. With Kelli going to Africa, and Sandi and Dan going to India, our family is becoming quite the adventurous bunch! The whole thing has made me think a lot about my time in Ghana. I find myself reminiscing over pictures and journal entries. I miss being there. I miss my friends. I miss the culture. I miss the food. I DON’T miss the heat haha. 

I hope one day that I can go back there.

I’ve enjoyed the beauty that is beginning to blossom here in Oregon. The days have more sunlight, the trees are in bloom, and the sun is shining more often! I have had a chance to explore some places in my Nature Walk group at the hospital as well as going on weekly bike rides along the Willamette River! I am excited to do more things outside and enjoy the nice Oregon summer. I ran a 10k race back in April in Sisters (central Oregon). It was a fun to do the run with friends and enjoy some time in central Oregon. I am getting ready for a half marathon at the end of June!

I joined the Portland Ensign Choir and Orchestra and have been playing the cello! I am SUPER rusty because I haven’t played in about 7 years but I am experiencing a steep learning curve haha. I have borrowed a cello that I can be a part of the orchestra and I love the music that we have played. We have a concert this weekend and my favorite piece is Mack Wilberg’s Requiem. Such beautiful music. I had a very nice Easter! I had a delicious brunch with some girls in the ward and then went with another group for dinner! I made “funeral potatoes” and another family favorite dish- my cousin’s delicious jello/pretzel salad! The food was amazing! It was nice to spend the holiday with friends and have a wonderful experience at church that day in remembrance of the Savior. 

Well folks, that is about all I have to update so far! Hopefully the next time I post, I will be ending my internship and just beginning the next part of my life as a professional music therapist! 

Hard Choices

Happy April Fool's Day everyone! Just as a side note, nothing in this blog is an "April Fool's" joke haha. 

Happy 28th anniversary to the day that my parents got engaged! And spring is in the air!

Springtime!

 Day trip to Lincoln City

It has been a good, rough, challenging, exciting month! Where to start... Internship!

I am half way done with my internship already! Per hospital policy, in my meeting with my supervisor I have already had to talk about when my "termination" date will be haha. It looks like I will be able to finish up my hours around July 4th. 

Happy independence to me :)  I have started a new set of groups for the treatment term. They are all going really well and I finally feel like I am finding my feet with leading everything on my own. I have also started my case study with my 1:1 patient. 

It is a whole different beast to conquer when working with a patient in a 1:1 setting. I still feel a little big awkward but I have a really great patient who laughs with me when things don't go as planned. 

I am learning to be extremely flexible. Within a moment's notice, I have had to completely throw my session plan out the window because patient X has shown up in my group. Or I find out that my group will be combined with another group because of short staffing. Or I will get to lead a group that I have never done before because coverage is needed. Whatever the reason may be, I have learned how to think on my feet in those situations. I have started thinking about what I am going to do for a job when my internship is all finished. They are going to be posting some rehab therapist positions at Oregon State Hospital within the maximum security program. I am really hoping that I get an opportunity to apply, even though I am not yet certified. 

I would love to be able to continue to be at OSH as an employee.

This past weekend was the Western Region of the American Music Therapy Association annual conference! What a long name haha. I was able to associate with and meet music therapists and students from the western region right here in Portland! I attended many classes that relate to music therapy with the mental health population. I even had the opportunity to be a part of a presentation given by the music therapists at Oregon State Hospital as well as sit on an internship panel. 

It was great to be surrounded with so many people who share the same profession and learn about what they are doing with music therapy around the country.

I have some exciting plans coming up this month! I will be traveling to Utah to spend General Conference weekend with my family. I am excited to see my extended family and a few friends as well. Although sometimes I feel like Utah is such a strange place because of the culture, it is still my home. And I love being home. I will be going to Sisters, OR with some friends at the end of the month to run a 10k race! I am excited to explore a new part of the state and get out and run with some friends.

Among all of these great things, I have had some definite challenges. Out of respect to those situations and individuals, I am not going to go into extensive detail. But I would have to say the biggest lesson that I am learning is that I have to be happy with what I am doing and where I am going. I am making some drastic changes in my life that will bring me closer to my Savior and Father in Heaven. In all honesty, I have been needing to make this change for some time now, and haven't had the faith or courage to do it. But now I do. 

I was given a priesthood blessing a few days ago that really gave me a peace of mind and direction about what I need to do. 

I am handing it over to the Lord. I am letting Him take this burden from me. I don't want to carry it anymore. And I know he will help me move forward with strength and courage.

I am so very grateful for my supportive family. They are always a phone call away. I am grateful for their prayers and words of encouragement. I am grateful for the strong bonds that we have through the covenants we have made. Their presence in my life is truly a blessing from God. 

For the first time since living here, I am making plans. Plans to help me move forward and be happy again. I don't know how long I will be here or what is in store for me at this time, but I feel the very strong prompting that I need to stay here in Oregon. I am moving forward with faith.

Thank you to everyone who takes the time to read by blog. I sincerely appreciate all of the comments that you have shared with me about what you have read here. It means a lot to know that I can share these things with my friends and family around the world, without fear of judgement. Thank you, to everyone.  

Spring Is Coming!

It is already a week into March! Spring is on its way and I can't wait for it to warm up a little bit! From what I have heard, it has been pretty warm in Utah the last few weeks. Wish I could get some of that heat up here haha. 

In just a few weeks my internship will be half-way over! SAY WHHHAAATTT?!? There’s quite a lot to write about. Internship, Oregon adventures, personal stuff, everything! 

I guess the most important, my internship is going great! I think my last blog post I described in detail about the population that I work with at Oregon State Hospital. I am preparing for my upcoming 10-week term of groups that starts the end of this month. I will be leading 15 hours of group each week! Some of my groups include: Music and Relaxation, Song Sharing, On-Unit Groups, Songwriting, Drumming, 1:1 Music Therapy, and some of my own created groups where I get to explore some new ideas with treatment. I am excited and also overwhelmed at the same time. 

I have really great supervisors so I know that they will support me as I make this transition. 

Overall, things are going really well with my internship. I am really learning how to be flexible and adapt what I am doing based on the patients in my group and where they are (mentally) at that moment. It is teaching me how to be prepared to adapt everything! I have had a few challenges here and there, but it is just mostly dealing with working in a state-run facility and not much to do with what I am actually doing with regards to music therapy. 

I have been asked by a few co-workers recently what my plans are for when my internship is over. And my honest answer for that is….. I have no idea! At least for now, I think I will stick around the Portland area when I am done. 

My roommate Marisa’s internship isn’t done until August so I at least have somewhere to live for a bit while I figure everything out. I am thinking just enjoy the summertime in Oregon, study for my board exam, and do some major job hunting. Other than that… the world is my oyster haha. 

In other news… I am making a quilt! I started when we had a snowstorm and were stuck inside for a few days.  

  

I won a free pair of running shoes! I entered my name into a raffle and I won. Best day ever! 

I went on a waterfall adventure to about 5 different waterfalls in the Columbia River Gorge area. It was a little rainy but the waterfalls were stunningly beautiful.  

I was introduced to the Landmark Forum through a music therapist that I admire and I am going to participate in the first stage of the conference this upcoming May! I don’t know a lot about the Landmark Forum, but even with just an introduction, I have made some necessary changes in my life for the better and I feel like this is a great opportunity to continue learning how many new and exciting things can be a possibility in my life!  

And most recently, just this past weekend, I went with a group of friends on a day-trip to Seattle! We saw this super cool troll statue under a bridge and we meandered along Pike’s Market for the afternoon.  

I am really trying to do better at eating healthy and exercising on a regular basis. I joined a Crossfit gym and I have been going to the 5:30AM class… yes I said 5:30AM!!! It is actually super convenient for me to go at that time so that I can get my workout done and meet up with my carpool at 6:50AM. I also get a discounted price because I am technically still a full-time student. I went pretty consistently last week and I am excited to get by butt back into gear again. I have just let myself slide too far down the mountain with regards to my physical health. I cut out sweets for Lent and I am trying to get in about 60-90 minutes of exercise everyday. It might seem a little excessive but I am trying to be passionately committed to it. 

I think that sums up the last few weeks on my end. I hope all of my family and friends around the world are doing well. I miss you all.

New year, new town, new life!

It has been WAY too long since I updated my blog. A lot has happened in the last 4+ months since my last post!

To recap just a few...

• I finished off the year with a move  to OREGON!!!
• I traveled to the Northeast to visit my good friend and now roommate, Marisa Johnson! We visited some great places in New Hampshire, Maine, Vermont, and Massachusetts
• I got a new road bike this summer and I had some pretty awesome long rides with Megan Ronnow :)
• I worked 40-60 hours a week between West Ridge Academy and substitute teaching... it was quite hectic but I was able to save a lot of money for the big move!
• I turned 25 years old... woot woot!
• I am now a music therapy intern at Oregon State Hospital - one step closer to becoming a music therapist! 

Well that is about everything in a nutshell. I am in a much better place in my life than I was when I last posted on this blog.
Life seems to do that... go up and down. I think the important thing to remember is that we have to CHOOSE to change our lives and CHOOSE to be happy, even if our situation does not lend itself to that. I feel at peace with my decision to move and do my internship here in Oregon and I am excited to see what this opportunity will bring to my life, and what I can give!

I am almost done with my first month of internship already! After an extremely long orientation, I am finally attending groups for observation and learning all about my role and responsibility as an intern. This internship is very self-directed and I am really looking forward to exploring my areas of passion within music therapy with this population. Speaking of population...
Here's just a little about the type of patients that I work with here at the Oregon State Hospital:

• Civil committed patients who come to the OSH to receive further treatment for their mental illness. They are not able to receive the help that they need within the community and are here to gain the skills necessary to be successful when they go home.

• .370 patients - These are patients who have been accused of a crime and have been found unable to aid and assist in their own defense because of their unstable mental illness. They will receive therapy here and services to help them become stabilized and gain legal skills to prepare for their trial.

• GEI/PSRB (Guilty Except for Insanity, Psychiatric Security Review Board) - Patients who have been found guilty of a crime who fall under the jurisdiction of the PSRB. They must serve out their conviction time along with receiving services for their mental illness.

It is a very interesting experience, working with the patients here at the hospital. It makes me sad to see some of them here, but at the same time I have hope for their recovery and safety.

My schedule is pretty similar everyday - Get to work by 7:30am, morning meetings, treatment groups from 9-11, more meetings and work stuff from 11-1, more treatment groups from 1-3, and then I wrap up everything and leave at 4:00! Along with attending and observing treatment groups, I attend staff and interdisciplinary team meetings, journal, write notes about how each patient is doing in treatment, and just find my way in this large facility haha. I have tried to learn as much as I can in this short training period so that I can hit the ground running when it comes time to lead my own groups in a few weeks!   

Life outside of my internship has been really great! I am beginning to train for some upcoming races this spring. I am able to run when I get home before it gets dark. It is so nice to get outside and take that time to clear my head. I attend a YSA ward in the area and there are a lot of great people here! I am becoming better friends with them each time we get together. I live about 10 minutes away from the church as well as the Portland Temple. I am living with Marisa Johnson, a friend from the USU music therapy program. She is doing her internship with Earthtones Music Therapy in Portland. We have somewhat similar schedules so it is nice to be able to go out and do things together. Living together is going well and we are able to talk about the awesome music therapy things we get to do each day. Having such a close friend is such a blessing to me right now.

Well, that is about all I have to say for this post! Hopefully I'll be updating you more frequently as my internship unfolds. 

I am grateful for my Heavenly Father and Savior for leading and guiding me to this place in my life. 

I am learning so much and growing everyday. Until next time...

Portland Oregon Temple

 View of the Columbia River from Beacon Rock, WA

 Sunrise on the first day of my internship :)

Oregon State Hospital

My awesome intern ID

 Picture from my New Hampshire trip!

New Hampshire

(Next time I will put up some photos with me in them haha)

PEACE OUT!

What Becomes Of The Broken Hearted

Life is not a walk in the park. It is filled with struggles, heartache, and sadness. It is ALSO filled with laughter, happiness, and joy. I find it somewhat hypocritical that the title of my blog is "Finding Joy in the Journey" when this blog post topic is something far from that. But I feel very prompted to write about it anyway. There are times in our journey of life when we struggle more than we ever have. And those struggles are just as important in our progression as the times when we are experiencing joy.

I was diagnosed with clinical depression when I was 17 years old. After months of putting myself and my family through hell,
I finally went to see a psychiatrist. Little did I know that only a few years later I would be studying about the very mental illness that I have in my college psychology classes. I was a very angry, sad, self-loathing person. It took almost a year of consistent counseling sessions, medication, late night prayers, and a change of heart to bring me out of it. 

Some of you might not think that this description is accurate to the Marti that you know. And you are right. Pretty much my life during the ages of 18-23 have been good. I mended my family relationships, I have been surrounded by amazing friends,
kept myself busy with school, served the Lord as a missionary, and experienced a new area of the world on study abroad.
I even turned my life around by deciding to care about my health, losing over 20 pounds when I trained for my first marathon
in 2008. I found my passion for running and felt good about my physical appearance. I had an enthusiasm for life and learning.
I was excited about new opportunities to be a missionary and to travel the world. I still had days when I was sad and felt the influence of my depression, but 95% of the time I was a happy person.  

In one of my music therapy classes, some of our assignments were to help us develop the skill of songwriting. Our professor asked us to write a song for a client who could be experiencing a type of mental illness - anxiety, depression, schizophrenia, etc. The only way I could write a song for someone with depression was to write about my own experience. It was painful to bring those memories and feelings out again. I was in such a good place at that time that I had to write this song and thinking about my depression scared me, because I never wanted it to have control over my life again. But thinking about it did help me to write a decent song. I wish I had a recording of it to share, but at least these are the lyrics for you to read...

I GO BACK

Reaching out for something to hold on to

As I feel myself sliding away

Far away to an unknown place where I

Feel so numb every single day

Ooooooooo

I feel so numb every single day

Ooooooooo

This label I have does not define me

But it refines the person I want to be

So I go back to the back to the person that I was

To the things that I used to love

I go back

I go back to the joy that I once knew

To the laughter that I had with you

I go back

I go back

I see the light right ahead of me 

It is just within my grasp

It slips away and I’m back here at the start

I can’t run away from my past

Oooooooo

I can’t run away from my past

Oooooooo

This label I have does not define me

But it refines the person I want to be

So I go back to the back to the person that I was

To the things that I used to love

I go back

I go back to the joy that I once knew

To the laughter that I had with you

I go back

I go back

It all started again about 6 months ago. Clinical depression does not take over your life in one day. It comes gradually over days, weeks, and months. I didn't realize that my depression was coming back until a few weeks ago when I felt myself drowning in it. A very stressful last semester was the trigger, followed by an apathetic attitude when I moved home.
But this time my depression is different. It has more to do with my relationships with other people than it does about the relationship that I have with myself. Depression is different for each person. For me......

Depression is...

• feeling lonely even when you are surrounded by people
• not being able to be with someone you love
• a friend losing their trust and respect for you
• feeling the guilt of the bad choices that you have made
• waking up 10+ times in one night, feeling restless
• finding it challenging to meet new friends
• not finding happiness in the things you used to love
• not being able to feel the influence of the Holy Ghost
• feeling like you can't kneel down and pray to Heavenly Father
• realizing that you were once a happy and fulfilled person, but not being able to feel that now

Now that I have gone on and on about this very sad subject, the important thing is that I have hope.
Although I feel the onset of depression, I know what I need to do to fight it. I am being proactive in my own healing process.
Depression is a very real thing, but so is the Atonement and love of Jesus Christ. The Savior was there to heal my spirit and mind when it was broken before, and I know that He will do it again.  I don't want to sit back and let depression take hold of me like it did the last time. Because I know that "this label I have does not define me." 

I am not my depression

One Year Anniversary

One year ago today I started this blog and left on my semester adventure to Africa! I can't believe all that has happened in that year. The time I spent in Ghana was life-changing. I gained the friendship and love of two new families - one with my study abroad friends and the other with my church friends. These relationships have made me a better person and I will be forever grateful for the influence everyone had on me during that time. I had amazing opportunities to travel, learn at the hands of musicians and teachers, have deep discussions with other international students, and become part of the LDSSA group on campus. Here are some of my most memorable experiences from my time in Ghana -- 

Leaving for Africa the day after my sister's wedding

My first home-made Ghanaian dish at a church activity

Swimming in the largest waterfall in West Africa

 Feeding the monkeys at the sanctuary sanctuary

Fun day trip to Jamestown

Drum classes!! 

Beautiful handmade clothes

The children on Dodi Island

The incredible views of the beautiful country

My last FHE with the LDSSA

Thanksgiving dinner!!

 Performing for the music concerts

Seeing a friend from home!

Celebrating a birthday

 Wonderful friends

Walking on a canopy bridge

Drinking straight from a coconut

The first time I saw an LDS church building

Picking out my drum

Participating in the YSA sports activity

Black Star soccer game!!

Smiles on a sinking boat

Our special rock

Sunrise in Togo

First moto-taxi ride!

Missionaries!!!!!

Representing the ISH swim team

Learning how to eat banku

On top of the tallest mountain in Ghana

ISEP family

My primary class

The Accra Ghana Temple

These are just a few of the many memories that I have from my experience in Ghana. I am grateful for the opportunity that I had to go, the support from my family and friends, and the safety that I had while I was there. 

I want to go back someday.